Emotional Regulation Starts with Us
Why Children Borrow Emotional Regulation from the Adults Around Them
In early childhood classrooms, children are constantly learning, not only through lessons and activities, but through the emotional environment surrounding them every single day.
Children watch how adults respond to stress.
They notice tone of voice.
They observe body language.
They absorb energy, reactions, tension, calmness, patience, and emotional safety.
And often, whether we realize it or not, children borrow emotional regulation from the adults around them.
This is why emotional regulation in early childhood education is not only about helping children manage emotions.
It begins with us.
Children Learn Emotional Responses Through Relationships
Young children are still developing the ability to regulate emotions independently.
Their brains are still learning:
How to calm down
How to process frustration
How to handle disappointment
How to transition between emotions
How to feel emotionally safe during stress
Because these skills are still developing, children often rely on co-regulation first.
Co-regulation happens when a calm, supportive adult helps a child move through emotional distress safely and supportively.
Before children can fully regulate themselves, they often borrow regulation from trusted adults.
This is why adult responses matter so deeply in early childhood classrooms.
Children Feel More Than We Think
Children are incredibly sensitive to emotional environments.
Even when adults try to hide stress, children often notice:
Frustrated tones
Tension in the room
Fast movements
Loud reactions
Emotional overwhelm
Anxiety
Irritability
Disconnection
Children may not always understand what is happening emotionally, but they often feel it.
And when classrooms feel emotionally tense, children may begin responding through:
Increased behaviors
Emotional outbursts
Clinginess
Withdrawal
Aggression
Difficulty focusing
Heightened anxiety
Sometimes children are not only reacting to their own emotions — they are reacting to the emotional environment around them.
Children Often Respond to the Emotional Energy Around Them
Sometimes educators walk into classrooms feeling overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, frustrated, anxious, or mentally overloaded without realizing how much children can feel that energy.
Then suddenly the classroom feels chaotic.
Children become louder.
Behaviors increase.
Transitions become harder.
The room feels emotionally unsettled.
And teachers may find themselves asking:
“What is going on with these children today?”
But often, children are responding to the emotional atmosphere surrounding them.
Young children are deeply connected to the emotional energy of the adults caring for them. They may not fully understand emotions yet, but they feel emotional tension very quickly.
When an educator feels:
stressed,
rushed,
emotionally overwhelmed,
frustrated,
anxious,
or emotionally disconnected,
that energy can unintentionally spread throughout the classroom environment.
Children often mirror what they feel emotionally around them.
This is why emotional regulation in classrooms cannot only focus on correcting children’s behaviors.
Sometimes the first step is helping the adult pause, breathe, regroup, and reset emotionally too.
Teachers Need Opportunities to Decompress
One of the most important things educators can learn is how to regulate themselves before trying to regulate the classroom.
This does not mean pretending problems do not exist or “leaving emotions at the door.”
That is not realistic.
Educators are human beings carrying real-life stress, responsibilities, and emotions.
But it does mean finding healthy ways to decompress and emotionally reset so that stress does not unintentionally take over the classroom atmosphere.
Sometimes this reset can happen together with the children.
A teacher might:
Pause the classroom for breathing exercises
Turn off harsh lighting for a few minutes
Play calming music
Slow the classroom pace
Guide children through stretching or yoga
Sit together for a quiet mindfulness moment
Use calming sensory activities
When educators intentionally bring calm into the classroom, children often begin responding to that calm as well.
Calm Is Contagious Too
Just as stress can spread emotionally throughout a classroom, calm can spread too.
Children learn emotional regulation through repetition, consistency, and modeled experiences over time.
When calm routines become part of the classroom culture from the very beginning of the year, children begin learning:
how to slow down,
how to breathe,
how to transition calmly,
how to regulate emotions,
and how to feel emotionally safe within the classroom environment.
Calm classrooms are not created overnight.
They are built intentionally, consistently, and emotionally through the adults leading them every day.
And often, the emotional tone of the classroom begins with the emotional regulation of the educator inside it.
Calm Adults Help Create Calm Classrooms
One regulated adult can shift the emotional energy of an entire classroom.
This does not mean educators must be perfect or never experience stress.
It means children benefit when adults intentionally model:
Calm responses
Deep breathing
Slower reactions
Emotional awareness
Gentle tone of voice
Problem-solving
Patience during difficult moments
Children learn emotional regulation by experiencing it.
When educators pause before reacting, breathe during stressful moments, and respond calmly instead of escalating emotionally, children begin learning those same patterns over time.
Regulation Is Not the Same as Suppressing Emotion
Emotional regulation does not mean pretending emotions do not exist.
It does not mean forcing children, or educators, to stay quiet, emotionless, or overly controlled.
Healthy emotional regulation means learning how to:
Recognize emotions
Express emotions safely
Pause before reacting
Move through stress supportively
Return to a calmer emotional state
Children need opportunities to see healthy emotions modeled appropriately.
They need to learn that emotions are normal, manageable, and safe to talk about.
Educators Need Regulation Support Too
One of the biggest challenges in early childhood education is that educators are often expected to help regulate children while receiving very little emotional support themselves.
But emotional regulation becomes much harder when educators are:
Burned out
Overstimulated
Emotionally exhausted
Unsupported
Carrying personal stress
Managing unrealistic workloads
Adults cannot continuously pour calm into children while emotionally running on empty themselves.
This is why educator wellness and emotional support matter deeply in classroom quality.
Supporting educator emotional health is not separate from supporting children.
The two are connected.
Building Emotional Regulation into Classroom Culture
Emotional regulation should not only happen during difficult moments.
It can become part of the everyday classroom culture.
Simple practices may include:
Breathing exercises during transitions
Calm music throughout the day
Yoga or stretching activities
Feelings check-ins
Calm-down spaces
Mindfulness moments
Soft lighting during quiet times
Guided reflection conversations
Modeling emotional language
Slowing classroom pacing when stress rises
When emotional regulation becomes part of the classroom rhythm, children begin developing those skills more naturally over time.
The Pause Before the Reaction
One of the most powerful things an educator can do during stressful moments is pause.
Not every situation requires an immediate emotional reaction.
Sometimes the most effective response is:
Taking one deep breath
Lowering your voice
Slowing your body language
Giving yourself a moment before responding
Children often mirror the emotional energy they receive.
When adults escalate emotionally, children frequently escalate too.
But when adults remain grounded, children are more likely to begin settling emotionally as well.
Emotional Safety Shapes Learning
Children learn best when they feel emotionally safe.
Emotional safety helps children:
Build trust
Take learning risks
Form healthy relationships
Regulate emotions
Develop confidence
Strengthen communication skills
And emotional safety is strongly influenced by the adults leading the classroom.
A calm classroom is not necessarily a perfectly quiet classroom.
It is a classroom where children feel emotionally supported, emotionally safe, and connected.
Emotional Regulation Begins with Us
Children are always learning from the adults around them.
Not only from what we say, but from how we respond, regulate, recover, and connect during difficult moments.
This is why emotional regulation in early childhood education is not simply another classroom strategy.
It is part of the emotional foundation children build their learning and relationships upon.
And perhaps one of the most important things educators can remember is this:
Children do not need perfect adults.
They need emotionally aware adults who are willing to model calm, connection, patience, and healthy emotional regulation day by day.
References
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2021). Building Adult Capabilities to Improve Child Outcomes.
Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). Framework for Social and Emotional Learning.
Denham, S. A. (2006). Social-Emotional Competence as Support for School Readiness: What Is It and How Do We Assess It? Early Education and Development, 17(1), 57–89.
Jennings, P. A., & Greenberg, M. T. (2009). The Prosocial Classroom: Teacher Social and Emotional Competence in Relation to Student and Classroom Outcomes. Review of Educational Research, 79(1), 491–525.
National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). (2020). Professional Standards and Competencies for Early Childhood Educators.
Zero to Three. Supporting Social-Emotional Development in Early Childhood.
